Back to School – Lessons from Mike, “If You Ever Find Yourself in a Sewer”

Mike instructs young Wyatt on the safest way way to maneuver in a sewer. Feel free to take notes in case there is a pop quiz or in case you find yourself in a sewer too.

My son and daughter love Dirty Jobs and I watch it too. My son Wyatt’s favorite episodes are the ones in the sewer. He would love for you to tell him about the sewer. Our family thinks you’re great Mike. – B

Hi Wyatt,

Your Mom tells me you enjoy the sewer. I think that’s great. The sewer is an interesting place, full of many fascinating things. If you ever find yourself inside of one, you may want to heed the following advice.

1. Keep your mouth closed. You might be tempted to talk, but don’t. The things inside of a sewer tend to fly around, and there is nothing down there that you want in your mouth. Trust me on this poo tastes bad – very bad.

2. Keep your eyes open. When you are in the sewer, you are not alone. Roaches and rats love the sewer, and love visitors. They will try and crawl over you when you’re down there. That’s how they say “hello.” Try not to encourage this behavior. Even though roaches and rats are cute and friendly, they are all covered in other people’s poo and pee, and should be avoided.

3. Move slowly. The sewer is very slippery. If you’re not very careful, you’ll fall. Falling face first into other people’s poo is always bad, and should be avoided.

4. Drink lots of water before entering a sewer. Sewers are very hot places, and you will sweat a lot when you’re inside of one. This could cause dehydration, which could lead to passing out and falling down face first into other people’s poo, which as we’ve discussed, is always bad, and should be avoided.

5. Don’t use the sewer as a sewer. If you spend a lot of time in the sewer, and drink a lot of water before entering, you might find that you have to go pee while you’re down there. You might then logically conclude that it would be OK to pee right there in the sewer, since that’s where the pee winds up anyway. That would be a mistake. For some reason, professional sewer workers frown on the practice, and consider it to be a breach of etiquette.

That’s it. Have fun down there, but be careful. Study hard. Listen to your Mom. Wash your hands often.


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