Mom: How do you think that went?
Me: Pretty good, all things considered.
Mom: All thing considered?
Me: Yeah. Considering the fact you just told America I mailed you a baby bottle filled with semen, I thought it went great.
Mom: Oh, should I not have said that?
Me: It’s The Today Show, mom. Baby bottles filled with semen are not a traditional topic of conversation.
Mom: Well, the lady asked if you ever sent me any weird presents while you were filming Dirty Jobs. And that was a pretty weird present.
Me: Yeah, but you didn’t tell them it was horse semen, gathered from a famous stallion during a segment on artificial insemination. You made it sound like I just sent you a baby bottle filled with random semen.
Mom: Oh dear. Do you think they thought I was talking about human semen?
Me: Possibly.
Mom: Do you think they thought I was talking about…your semen?
Me: I sure hope not. But if we’re never invited back to The Today Show, we’ll know why.
Mom: Well, what should I say tomorrow, if someone asks us about this semen business during our virtual live signing event?
Me: You mean the one at 4pm on August 16th, where people can get an autographed copy of your hysterical new book, Vacuuming in the Nude, (and Other Ways to Get Attention,) while you and I answer questions from you many Facebook fans?
Mom: Yes, that one.
Me: You mean the one people can sign up for here? https://stores.barnesandnoble.com/event/9780062151180-0
Mom: Yes, that one.
Me: Just tell ’em it was the best present you ever got, and that you still hang it from the Christmas tree every year.
Mom: Can I tell them it was a seminal moment in the course of our relationship?
Me: I’m pretty sure you can tell them whatever you want…