I received a package in the mail today. This has never happened before, and I must say, it made a rather uneventful Friday afternoon exponentially more exciting.
The parcel was dropped off by Frank the Fed Ex Guy, who seemed – as he always does – stubbornly indifferent to my various verbal warnings, and completely nonplussed by the threat of my few remaining teeth. But then, after my human butler signed for the package, Frank did something unprecedented. He handed me the packet with a big smile and said, “I believe this is for you, young Freddie!”
Well, let me just tell you, it’s hard to bark with a package in your mouth. I wasted no time unwrapping my very first delivery and diving into it’s mysterious contents. Imagine my surprise to find two chew toys of the very highest quality, along with a photo that I’ll describe as “titillating.”
Suffice it to say, I got busy with all due speed, but it was only after several minutes of intense, oral ministration that I realized the added sartorial component to these tasteful gifts. Apparently, the mysterious sender – a genius named Noelle – has designed some new kind of delicious neck ware that not only feels fantastic on my gums, but really compliments my natural coloring. As you must know, this blending of form and function is sadly lacking in most canine haberdasheries, and a real treat to receive out of the blue.
Normally, I’m not one to preen, but I must say that I feel uncommonly dapper with my new accessory, and ready for a long walk through the more stylish neighborhoods of San Francisco. In the words of Harry Winston – “People will stare. Might as well make it worth their while.”
My human on the other hand seem less enthused, but really – who is he to cast aspersions? The guy still wears a ball cap indoors. Cretin.