I was genuinely delighted this morning to stumble across an unexpected rendering of my noble visage, beautifully enclosed in a tasteful frame, and temporarily assigned to a place of prominence on the Biped’s kitchen floor. Indeed, when I pranced by moments ago, on my way back from ignoring another bowl of overpriced designer dog food, I glanced at the portrait and thought the Biped had left a mirror leaning against the wall. I mean, seriously, this “Lynne Simone” person has really captured my essence – am I right, or am I right?
All the fundamentals are there – color, tone, composition, texture, along with a level of brush work that’s entirely consistent with that of a true professional. Consider the eyes. Consider the nose. Consider the ears. None of these are easy to capture, especially on a subject as hairy as I, but Ms. Simone has captured all that and more. Indeed, she has depicted in this canvas a whole that exceeds the sum of its parts. A subtlety that magnifies my own natural insouciance and independence, while enhancing the kind of individualism that Herbert Hoover first described as “rugged.” In other words, to my eye, the quality of this painting is far superior to anything one might reasonably hope to commission from a typical painter of pets, and now, as I peruse her website, I see that I am not the first to be honored with her singular talents.
Go there yourself, and you’ll see labradors and poodles, beagles and boxers, pitbulls and mutts, all preserved for posterity with the same undeniable verisimilitude that now defines my own regal likeness. In fact, I can’t but wonder if my own presence there might persuade other Bipeds to part with an amount of gelt sufficient to commission a portrait of their own beloved pet? If so, I hereby grant Ms. Simone permission to display my image on her website, along with my sincere thanks. Seems the least I can do.
Anyway, I’d love to chat, but I’m going to show this incredible painting to the miniature schnauzers next door and lick myself while they drool with naked envy.