Flying to Chicago with the Parents

Flying to Chicago with the parents, who are recently recovered from the flu. The doctor allowed them to travel, but advised them to take every precaution…

Mom: Michael, will it embarrass you if we wear our surgical masks on this flight?

Mike: Not if you’re performing surgery.

Dad: Don’t be a smart guy. We’re strapped into a giant Petri dish. The doctor says these masks could save our lives!

Mike: Only if your wife actually puts the mask over her nose.

Mom: I don’t like it over my nose. It fogs up my glasses.

Dad: Then what’s the point? The germs will get up your nose if you don’t keep it covered!

Mom: But I can’t see the Sudoku if my glasses are all fogged up!

Mike: He’s right, Mom. If you’re gonna wear the mask, you might as well wear it properly.

Mom: But if it’s over my nose, I’ll be breathing CO2. That’s a deadly gas, you know.

Dad: Good grief, Peggy, do you think the doctor would tell us to wear a mask if it were gonna kill us!

Mom: What do YOU know, John? You’ve got your string wrapped around your hearing aid!

Dad: What?

Captain: Welcome aboard, everyone. We’ll be flying into a pretty stiff headwind today, but we’re still gonna do our best to assure an on-time arrival.

Dad: “Do our best?” What the hell does that mean? Don’t they always do their best?

Mom: He sounds sleepy, Michael.

Mike: Who, Dad?

Mom: No, the Pilot.

Mike: He’s not sleepy, he’s just bored.

Mom: I hope there’s a co-pilot. Do you suppose there’s a co-pilot up there?

Mike: Probably. Where else would they put him?

Mom: Do you think he’s wearing a mask?

Flight Attendant: Excuse me, can I get you two something to drink?

Dad: Pardon me?


Dad: Yes, please, I’d like some orange juice.

Flight Attendant: I beg your pardon?

Dad: Some orange juice, please.

Flight Attendant: I’m sorry, sir, can you speak up?

Mom: John, take your mask off, she can’t understand you.

Dad: I’m not taking this mask off. She might be infected!!

Mom: So I guess you’ll be drinking your orange juice through the mask?

Dad: Maybe I will!!!

Mom: Well then, I’m not putting this stupid thing over my nose!!!

Flight Attendant: I can come back later…

Mike: To answer your question, Mom, no – this isn’t embarrassing at all…

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