Flying to Chicago with the parents, who are recently recovered from the flu. The doctor allowed them to travel, but advised them to take every precaution…
Mom: Michael, will it embarrass you if we wear our surgical masks on this flight?
Mike: Not if you’re performing surgery.
Dad: Don’t be a smart guy. We’re strapped into a giant Petri dish. The doctor says these masks could save our lives!
Mike: Only if your wife actually puts the mask over her nose.
Mom: I don’t like it over my nose. It fogs up my glasses.
Dad: Then what’s the point? The germs will get up your nose if you don’t keep it covered!
Mom: But I can’t see the Sudoku if my glasses are all fogged up!
Mike: He’s right, Mom. If you’re gonna wear the mask, you might as well wear it properly.
Mom: But if it’s over my nose, I’ll be breathing CO2. That’s a deadly gas, you know.
Dad: Good grief, Peggy, do you think the doctor would tell us to wear a mask if it were gonna kill us!
Mom: What do YOU know, John? You’ve got your string wrapped around your hearing aid!
Captain: Welcome aboard, everyone. We’ll be flying into a pretty stiff headwind today, but we’re still gonna do our best to assure an on-time arrival.
Dad: “Do our best?” What the hell does that mean? Don’t they always do their best?
Mom: He sounds sleepy, Michael.
Mike: Who, Dad?
Mom: No, the Pilot.
Mike: He’s not sleepy, he’s just bored.
Mom: I hope there’s a co-pilot. Do you suppose there’s a co-pilot up there?
Mike: Probably. Where else would they put him?
Mom: Do you think he’s wearing a mask?
Flight Attendant: Excuse me, can I get you two something to drink?
Dad: Pardon me?
Flight Attendant: I said, CAN I GET YOU TWO SOMETHING TO DRINK?
Dad: Yes, please, I’d like some orange juice.
Flight Attendant: I beg your pardon?
Dad: Some orange juice, please.
Flight Attendant: I’m sorry, sir, can you speak up?
Mom: John, take your mask off, she can’t understand you.
Dad: I’m not taking this mask off. She might be infected!!
Mom: So I guess you’ll be drinking your orange juice through the mask?
Dad: Maybe I will!!!
Mom: Well then, I’m not putting this stupid thing over my nose!!!
Flight Attendant: I can come back later…
Mike: To answer your question, Mom, no – this isn’t embarrassing at all…