A few minutes ago, my mother turned on the Discovery Channel just in time to see me suck the semen out of a turkey’s rectum with a swizzle stick. This was probably not the way she intended to start her Thanksgiving, but there’s a Dirty Jobs marathon on all day, and she still feels obligated to watch her oldest son whenever he appears on her screen – even when he’s violating the laws of God and Man.
Interestingly, the same exact thing has happened for the last five Thanksgivings, which has led Mom to conclude that Discovery is quietly launching a new holiday ritual, inspired by the joys of artificial insemination and yours truly. If this is true, I am most grateful, and happy to urge my friends on this page to enjoy another Thanksgiving as I explore the boundaries of animal husbandry in the background. In truth, watching Dirty Jobs really is a fine way to foster gratitude (and curb appetites) on this most important of holidays. And far less demoralizing than watching parades or professional football games.
Speaking of gratitude, I’m very grateful to the folks over at TBN, and happy to announce their decision to license Somebody’s Gotta Do It. Starting December 2nd, half-hour versions of my last show will appear at 9pm every Saturday night. The episodes look terrific, and I’m excited to share them with a new audience. I’m likewise grateful to Facebook for ordering another season of Returning the Favor, and for the listeners of The Way I Heard It, who I’ve just learned have collectively downloaded and viewed my podcast nearly 100 million times. I’m humbled by your support, and sincerely grateful for your presence on this page.
Enjoy your friends and family on this day, and remember those in uniform standing by to pull our collective bacon from the next fire.