The Way I Heard It: Sorry, Wrong Number

People often ask me to describe my dirtiest job, and thanks to a truly filthy resume with over 300 credible choices, I’m unable to provide an honest answer to that question. It’s simply impossible to compare the business of cleaning the inside of a boiler on a steamship with replacing a broken lift-pump in a wastewater treatment plant. Likewise, the killing floor of a slaughterhouse and the slimline on processing boat are equally unforgettable – but utterly different in terms of their requisite “dirtiness.” Which is why I make a habit of rotating my answers to that particular query.

However – there is one job on my resume that no amount of showering or scrubbing has adequately addressed – and that job wasn’t featured on the show. Why? Because it’s simply too disgusting.

To be clear – I believe that all jobs are good jobs – steadfastly and without exception. In fact, this particular job paid for my time at Essex Community College, and afforded me an hourly wage ten times the minimum back in 1982. However, if you really want to know what job made me throw up in my mouth and consider some kind of ongoing therapy, this is it. If you’re curious about the details, check out this weeks 5- minute podcast over at

As you’ll see, I’m not the only quasi-famous middle-aged celebrity to have attempted this truly horrifying vocation…


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