Enough already. I’ll do it.

After 10,000 unsolicited invitations to run for elected office, and a steady drumbeat of growing support on this page, I’ve decided there’s only one logical course of action. Last night, I moved to Lafayette, Arkansas, to begin my bid to become County Judge.

I know that many of you were hoping for a more ambitious foray into the political scene, but after a nearly ten minutes of thoughtful soul-searching and a medicinal snort of Whistle Pig, I began to see that a direct run at the White House might be premature. So I’ve chosen a more modest route to the ultimate prize, and look forward to a spirited campaign down here in The NMike dung beetle researcheratural State.

Now it’s true, I hold no law degree and no political experience. But from what I’ve seen from recent court rulings, a basic understanding of the Constitution has little to do with education or a prior political record. And though I have no current ties to the great state of Arkansas, I once collected dung beetles at the University, and got along very well with the locals. More importantly, I served as The Grand Marshal of The St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Hot Springs back in 2008, which I’m told went very well.

Mike Grand Marshal St. Patrick's Day Parade 2008Anyway, it’s been a difficult decision, but I feel a lot better now that I’ve made it, and look forward to judging the people of Lafayette just as soon as I vanquish my rival, whomever he or she may be. In the meantime, I’m gonna need a campaign manager.

Please apply below in fifty words or less. The applicant with the most likes will relocate immediately to a nicely appointed trailer behind my own residence.

Good luck to you all, and God Bless America!

Mike’s Facebook Page