It still amazes me to find articles like this in my newsfeed. Don’t get me wrong – I’m flattered that the people at “Taste of Home” assume the masses care about my culinary preferences. I really am. I’m just personally skeptical that anyone really gives a damn about the “14 Foods That Mike Rowe Loves to Eat”. On the other hand, maybe I’m wrong? I mean, you’ve read this far – maybe you care deeply about what I like to chew and swallow? If so, allow me to address a few points, beginning with the accuracy of the piece. Everything mentioned is indeed, a food I love. So congrats to the writer, Grace Mannon, for being accurate. However, in the interest of full disclosure, I should confess that there is no food I don’t enjoy eating.
By food, I don’t mean the Fear Factor offal that people used to swallow for money; I mean anything on any menu of any reputable establishment that’s legally open for business. I seriously enjoy all food. However, I need to tell you that almost nothing on this list has passed my lips in the last four months. That’s because four months ago I stepped on the scale in my Chicago hotel room, and the scale said, “One at a time please.”
I kid. What it really said was, “231lbs.”
And what I said in response was, “holy crap!”
Today, I’m happy to report that after NOT eating most of what’s on this list, I’m down 32 lbs, and a month from now, I hope to be roughly the same weight as the guy in the ten-year old photo that accompanies this article. That guy, incidentally, weighed 190 pounds – exactly what he weighed for the preceding twenty-five years. That guy used to eat an entire pizza four times a week, followed by a pint of Rocky Road ice cream, along with everything else on this list. Then, that guy woke up and ran five miles. Every single morning. That guy also drank three beers a day. Sometimes more. Sometimes a lot more. Well, that guy stopped running in 2012, back when his flat feet insisted upon it. Then he became older and older. Eventually, that guy became older than he ever was. But interestingly, that guy also became hungrier and thirstier than ever. So even though he abandoned his youth and his gym membership, he stuck with the pizza and the ice cream and the beer – a strategy that slowly forced him to purchase clothes in sizes completely inconsistent with his former dimensions.
Again, I’m sharing all this not because I think anyone really cares, but rather, because I don’t want someone to see this ten-year old photo of me and assume it’s the result of a 56-year-old man eating his favorite fourteen foods with reckless abandon. It’s not. If you want to see what that guy looks like, watch Season one of Returning the Favor. But if you want the truth about what I’m eating these days, know this – the only things on this list I’ve enjoyed in the last five months are oysters and steak. With the exception of wine, I’ve eliminated as much sugar from my diet as possible, and I can’t begin to tell you how much better I feel. All I’ve done is cut out my favorite foods for four months. No bread, no pasta, not potatoes, no fruit, no yogurt, no crab cakes, no desserts, no waffles. Just mounds of vegetables, piles of fish, and the occasional steak. Bottom line, no carbs, and no sugar.
Obviously, this is not advice. Nor is it a “diet.” I’m not measuring portions or counting calories or anything like that. Nor am I exercising, (yet,) or cutting back on booze. (Beer is out, but wine is very much a part of my daily life.) This is just me, thanking Grace Mannon for her nice article, but reminding my friends on this page that eating “Mike Rowe’s Fourteen Favorite Foods,” as listed in “A Taste of Home,” will quite possibly turn you into a house…