Freddy, with respect, where the hell have you been? We haven’t heard anything from you in weeks. It’s Friday. Any resolutions for the new year? I mean, aside from doing a better job with your Friday obligations?Your silence is unacceptable. Respectfully, Clara
Hi Clara. Apologies. I’ve been jammed up. The biped is out on some sort of walkabout, and I find myself in the company of another. For how long, I really couldn’t say. However, since your inquiry does not concern the specific whereabouts of His Majesty, allow me to address your query directly – in spite of your tone, and your obvious inability to spell my name.
I have two resolutions for the new year. One is to write a book. This has been on my to-do list ever since you people made me famous four years ago. I’ve hesitated until now because frankly, I wasn’t sure I’d lived long enough to offer anything of value. But now, in the wake of the success of my Grand-BiPeds remorselessly earnest memoir, I feel inspired to follow suit. I mean seriously, how hard can it be? I’ll get back to you on the details, but Im pretty sure I can get a publisher, and I definitely feel like this might be worth attempting. Unless of course, I change my mind. Which is always a possibility.
Beyond that, I am resolved in 2019 to spend more time on more furniture with naked women carved into the handles. I mean, it’s important to have goals. Am I right?