Somewhere between flattery and confusion, there’s a unique emotion I experience almost every day, but struggle mightily to describe. It’s an odd combination of gratitude and embarrassment that most often occurs when full-grown bipeds get one look at my face and immediately start speaking like small children. Honestly, nothing complicates a compliment faster than delivering it in the voice of a baby, and for whatever reason, the frequency this phenomena has increased over time and left me in a state of near constant bemusement. It’s the same feeling I experienced a few moments ago, when I discovered my face on a VISA credit card.
Am I flattered? Sure. It’s always nice to peruse the Internet’s nooks and crannies and stumble across your own visage staring back in quiet contemplation. As many of you know, I was pleased to see my name and likeness exploited on several thousand sweatshirts to raise money for the foundation my Biped constantly flogs. But seeing my countenance on a form of currency so closely associated with personal indebtedness has given me paws.
Don’t get me wrong – I have no idea if the owner of this particular credit card is bankrupt, indebted, or independently wealthy. I only know she found her way to The Biped’s recent show in Seattle, and then backstage for a private meet and greet, which suggests to me a heightened level of taste and sophistication. Toward that end, if The All New Freddy VISA Card is getting this woman “everywhere she wants to be,” I’ve got no beef. However, if my physiognomy is to be festooned upon any form of modern currency, I have to say I’d prefer to see it on cash. Specifically, the paper variety.
You might say it’s what I was trained on…